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  • 平凡的世界

    作者:路遙

    在村里和家里的生活發生翻天覆地變化的時候,孫少平卻陷入了極大的苦惱之中。

    三年的教師生涯結束了,他不得不回家當了農民。

    他倒不僅僅是為此而苦惱。迄今為止,他還不敢想象改變自己的農民身份。當農民就當農民,這沒有什么可說的。無數象他這樣的青年,不都是用雙手勞動來生活嗎?他,農民孫玉厚的兒子,繼承父業也可以說是一件十分自然的事。但他不能排除自己的苦惱。

    這些苦惱首先發自一個青年自立意識的巨大覺醒。

    是的,他很快就滿二十二歲——這個年齡,對于農村青年來說,已經完全可以獨當門戶了。

    可是,他現在仍象一個不成事的孩子一樣生活在一大家人之中。父母親和大哥是主事人,他只是在他們設計的生活框架中干自己的一份活。作為一個已經意識到自己男性尊嚴的人,孫少平在心靈深處感到痛苦。這決不是說他想在家里“掌權”。不,在這一大家人中,父親和大哥當然應該是當家人。說實話,即便是現在讓他來主持這個“集體”,他也干不了……

    由此看來,他無法從這個現實中掙脫。

    但他的確渴望獨立地尋找自己的生活啊!這并不是說他奢想改變自己的地位和處境——不,哪怕比當農民更苦,只要他象一個男子漢那樣去生活一生,他就心滿意足了。

    無論是幸福還是苦難,無論是光榮還是屈辱,讓他自己來遭遇和承受吧!

    他向往的正是這一點。

    其實,我們知道,這種意識在他高中畢業時就產生了,只不過隨著年齡的增長和生活的變遷,他內心這種要求表現得更為強烈罷了。

    按說,要做一個安份守己的農民,眼下這社會正是創家立業的好時候。只要心頭攢勁,哪怕純粹在土地上刨挖,也能過好光景。更何況,象他們家現在還有能力辦起一個燒磚窯,那前程不用說大有奔頭。發家致富,這是所有農民現在的生活主題。只要有飯吃,有衣穿,有錢花,身體安康,兒女雙全,人活一世再還要求什么呢?

    誰讓你讀了那么些書,又知道了雙水村以外還有個大世界……如果你從小就在這個天地里日出而作,日落而息,那你現在就會和眾鄉親抱同一理想:經過幾年的辛勞,象大哥一樣娶個滿意的媳婦,生個胖兒子,加上你的體魄一會成為一名相當出色的莊稼人。

    不幸的是,你知道的太多了,思考的太多了,因此才有了這種不能為周圍人所理解的苦惱……既然周圍的人不能理解他的苦惱,少平也就不會把自己的苦惱表現出來。在日常生活中,他盡量要求自己用現實主義態度來對待一切。

    毫無疑問,對孫少平來說,在學校教書和在山里勞動,這差別還是很大的。當老師不必忍受體力勞動的熬苦,而且還有時間讀書看報……雖說身在雙水村,但他的精神可以自由地生活在一個廣大的天地里。如今,從早到晚天天得出山,再也沒有什么消閑的時光看任何書報了。一整天在山里掙命,肉體的熬苦使精神時常處于麻痹狀態——有時干脆把思維完全“關閉”了。晚上回到家里,唯一的向往就是倒在土炕上睡覺,連胡思亂想的功夫都沒有。一個有文化有知識而愛思考的人,一旦失去了自己的精神生活,那痛苦是無法言語的。

    上一篇:第十章 下一篇:第十二章

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