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  • 平凡的世界

    作者:路遙

    她現在是留在村里的唯一插隊知青了。

    這是一個不幸的人:二老雙亡,無親無故,孑然一身。一九六九年冬末,當時和她一同來插隊的有二十幾個少男少女。在第二或第三個秋天,這些人就先后和大雁一齊飛走了。他們有的當了兵或工人;有的更幸運一些,上了大學。只有她走不了。她像一只被打斷翅膀的雛雁,滯留在這里六年了。誰都知道,她不幸,是因為已故的父親被宣布為“畏罪自殺”的“叛徒”——他人死了,卻給她留下了一份吃不消的政治遺產。

    但是在有些人看來,她的不幸主要還是怪她自己。在人們的感覺中,現在這時光像她這種處境的人,一般說來總是自卑的。為了自己能在這個社會上生存下去或者企求一點小小的發展,總是時時處處小心謹慎,沒鋒芒,沒棱角,奔跑在領導的鞍前馬后,隨社會的大潮流任意飄泊……但不幸的是,吳月琴沒有這種認識。以上所說的那些“美德”她連一點也沒有。相反,卻表現出一股傲氣。你看她吧,走路抬頭挺胸的,眼睛總是銳敏地掃視前面的世界。嘴里時不時哼著一些叫人聽不懂的外國歌,有時還像男孩子一樣吹口哨哩。在別人對當前那些時髦的政治話題喋喋不休地談論的時候,她總是一言不發,一雙淡漠的黑眼睛瞪著,或者干脆把這雙眼睛閉起來。總之,她和眼前的社會很不搭調。

    她所在的生產隊正好是公社所在地。村里的老百姓就是在廁怕里見了公社干部,也總要滿臉堆笑,用莊稼人那句向人致敬的話問:吃了沒?吳月琴才不管這一套。她就是見了那個外號叫“黑煞神”的公社書記,也不主動搭理。如果“黑煞神”馮國斌也不搭理她的話,她甚至加眼皮也不抬就從他的面前走過去了。

    她很孤獨,但這只是對別人來說,在她自己的世界里,看來并不如此,白天晚上,只要她沒睡著,嘴里總是哼哼唧唧在唱歌。唱的當然不是當時人們所聽慣了的歌。怪腔怪調的,誰也聽不懂。她自己是暢快的——人們這樣認為。

    但老百姓對她的這種暢快是鄙視的。的確,父親去世是過了幾年了,但她媽不是前幾個月才死的嗎?就是老人歷史上有問題,但總是自己的親人嘛!難道作兒女的就連一點點悲哀和痛苦的表示都沒有,還能暢快的唱歌嗎?實在是作孽!

    有一次,當吳月琴所在的三隊隊長運生說了一件關于她唱歌的事,大家才感到震驚了。運生告訴人們說,他有一天黃昏聽見她在村后的一條荒溝里唱歌,唱著唱著,歌聲猛然間變成號啕大哭了……啊,原來是這樣!村里的人終于明白一些她那古怪的脾性了。生活中誰沒有過這樣的體驗呢?當巨大痛苦壓在人心上的時候,人有時的確不是用眼淚,而是用歌聲來排解憂愁。暈歌聲是比眼淚更酸楚的。

    上一篇:第二十一章 下一篇:第二十三章

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