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  • 平凡的世界

    作者:路遙

    田潤葉的生活眼下仍然沒有什么改變。

    雖然她已經是個成了家的婦女,但實際上一直單身一人過日子。

    這樣的日子已經過了幾年。

    她似乎“習慣”了這種處境;最少在生人看來,她的一切都是正常的。她忙碌而勤懇地工作著,并抓緊時間讀些書,以彌補小學教師轉為干部后知識上的欠缺。

    只是除過工作,她很少有什么另外的生活。她不愛和別人一塊說笑,甚至也很少到她的朋友杜麗麗那里去玩。幾乎不看什么電影,因為象她這樣年齡的婦女上電影院,總是有男人陪伴的,她不愿去那里受刺激。再說,現在的電影大部分是愛情故事——無論這些故事的結局是好是壞,都會讓她浮想聯翩而哭一鼻子。

    下班以后,除過有時過去幫二爸收拾一下辦公室,她總是呆在團地委她自己的辦公室里。當然,這是很寂寞的。一個人長時間悄悄鉆在四堵墻里面,就象個土撥鼠。唉,她還不如徐國強爺爺,老人家雖說寂寞,還有一只貓在身邊作伴。她總不能也養一只貓吧?

    她就一直這樣生活下去嗎?她難道不能改變一下自己的境況嗎?她為什么不離婚?她為什么不去尋找自己的幸福?在這么大的黃原城,難道不能再有一個她滿意的男人?她是不是一輩子就要過這種修女式的生活了?

    一切都說不清楚……對于有些人來說,尋找幸福是一件不容易的事,擺脫苦難同樣也不容易。

    田潤葉在很大程度上沒勇氣毅然決然地改變自己的命運。而且隨著時間的增長,包圍她的那堵精神上的壁壘越來越厚,她的靈魂在這無形的堅甲之中也越來越沒有抗爭的力量。一方面,她時刻感到痛苦象利刃般尖銳;另一方面,她又想逃避她的現實,盡量使自己不去觸及這個她無法治愈的傷口……

    但既然傷口仍舊存在,疼痛就不可排解。她的生活實際上還是全部籠罩在這件事的陰影中。

    問題明擺著,她和心愛的人孫少安之間的事早已經完結了。自少安結婚以后,幾年來,她都沒有再見過他的面。她只是從少平嘴里知道,少安正在辦磚廠,光景日月比以前強多了。還知道,他已經有了一個孩子……當然,這個男人永遠不可能從她的心靈中消失。在她二十八年短短的生命歷程中,他是她全部幸福和不幸的根源。原來她愛他;現在這愛中又添加了一縷怨恨的情感。本來啊,在這愛與恨之上,她完全有可能為自己重建另一種生活。遣撼的是,她卻長久地不能超越這個層次……但是,潤葉的可愛和我們對她的同情也許正是因為這一點,如果她能完全掌握了自己的命運,象新近冒出來的一些“女強人”或各方面都“解放”了的女性那樣,我們就不會過分地為她操心和憂慮了。我們關懷她,是因為她實際上是個可憐人——盡管比較而言,也許她的丈夫李向前要更可憐一些。

    上一篇:第三十五章 下一篇:第三十七章

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