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  • 平凡的世界

    作者:路遙

    幾天以后,古風鈴把痛苦的種子撒播在黃原,自己一身輕快回了省城。他已經給杜麗麗聲明,他不可能和她結婚。杜麗麗也從沒這樣想過。他們對于家庭和兩性的看法,都屬于觀念全新的一代。

    但武惠良卻無法接受這個冷酷的現實。多年來,惠良一直搞行政工作,而且擔當了領導職務。在他那一代人中,算是前程遠大之輩,有多少青年男女對他羨慕不已。誰又能想到,這樣一顆光彩奪目的政治新星,個人生活竟然蒙上了一層暗淡的陰影呢?

    現在,團地委書記眼神無光,兩頰凹陷,頭發零零亂亂,說話前言不搭后語,象完全變成了另外一個人。只是因為過去的印象,他的下屬還沒有充分發現他的不正常狀況。

    武惠良的痛苦在于他對妻子愛得既專一又深刻,而發生了如此嚴重的事情后,他反倒更不能割舍這種愛戀。恰恰是因為愛得太深,這種打擊就更悲慘。

    不幸的是,他連痛苦都是不自由的。他領導著一個大部門,每天得應付各種工作,還要竭力掩飾自己的情緒,對不同的人做出不同的笑臉。更難為人的是,還得去參加許多熱鬧歡樂的場面——這是團的工作所必不可少的……只有每天下班以后,他走出機關大門,才可以把自己真實的壞心緒表現在臉上。通常他不再按時回家,而象孤魂一般在城外黃昏籠罩的山野里轉悠。

    這一天傍晚,他又來到古塔山。古塔山周圍已經辟為公園,各處修起幾個涼亭,并且在山后一個大水庫上擱置了幾條小船——這都是在地委書記田福軍倡導下修建起來的。武惠良沿著彎彎的山路,一直走到水庫邊上。

    天色已經暗了下來。水庫邊沒有什么人跡。春天輕柔的晚風吹砩著他燙熱的臉龐。水波輕輕涌動,發出細語般的喧嘩。不遠處,那幾條游船靜悄悄泊在岸邊。

    武惠良坐在一片枯草地上,點燃了一支香煙。他望著暗淡的波光和模糊的山色,眼里噙著淚水,喉嚨里堵塞著哽咽,這時候,他才震驚地感到,他走到了人生的迷途之中。過去,無論在工作上,還是在生活上,他都曾達到過興奮的高潮。尤其是美滿的家庭和熱烈的愛情,不僅給他帶來了個人生活的滿足,而且還促使他在事業上奮發追求。他在麗麗身上寄托的是愛的永存,因此他才舒心爽氣地在工作中弘揚他的才華。可是剎那間,一切都象肥皂泡一樣破滅了。他以前所相信的一切都變得迷離混沌,精神上所有的支柱都開始搖搖欲墜。因為理想太光輝,一旦破滅,絕望就太深。他不能容忍麗麗的背叛行為。這就是新人嗎?全是瞎扯蛋!說來說去,還是為了滿足自己的欲望!人本身就是自私的,可我卻真誠地相信人,真是禍該自取!

    上一篇:第二十五章 下一篇:第二十七章

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