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  • 你怎么也想不到

    作者:路遙

    我不知道我是怎樣從汽車站回到農場的…… 我怎么也想不到,他還是走了。 他也許再不會來這里了。他愛我,但并不愛我所堅持的生活道路。既然是這樣,我們怎么可能再在一塊生活呢?當他剛出現在我面前時,我似乎心花怒放地以為,他終于又和我并肩走在了一條路上。我甚至想對他大聲朗育誦我們曾共同喜歡過的偉大的惠特曼的詩句:請和我同行吧,和我同行,你將永遠不會感到疲倦…… 但是我錯了。他只是來看看我。他在我和大城市之間依然選擇了后者。可是,薛峰,既然是這樣,你為什么又要來這里呢?你把艱苦和傷心留給我,然后你走了……一種痛苦的情緒不時地涌上我的心間。是的,像任何別的女人一樣,我希望按自己的思想去進行崇高的勞動和創造,但也希望在愛情上能得到幸福和滿足。可是,生活往往不能如人心愿——你得到一些東西,也許就會失去另外一些東西。 可是想來想去,不管多么痛苦,該失去的也只能失去。人總不能為了得到某種感情上的滿足就背叛生活的原則。 對于我來說,現在并不是一無所有。我有我熱愛的事業,這足以使我的精神感到充實。無論如何,我不能可再離開這里了。這里有我的花棒,我的桑樹苗,我的蠶…… 幾天以后,我突然在一天之內同時接到薛峰的兩封信。 第一封信寫道:“芳:親愛的人!我最后一次央求你,到我身邊來吧!否則我就無法活下去了!你的峰寫于火車站候車室里。”第二封信寫道:“芳:親愛的人!剛把信塞進郵筒,我就又后悔了!我知道你不會答應我的呼喚。那么,我央求你,給我一點時間吧,讓我好好想想。我說不定會很快回到你身邊來的。你應該相信我,我要是再回到你那里,就永遠也不會離開你了。我現在的腦子像火燒一般疼!親人,你答應我吧!等著我!,等著我吧!!你的峰寫于火車站候車室。”……我把兩封信放在桌子上,默默地坐了一會。 此刻,我似乎看見遠方那個小火車站的候車室里,他怎樣像一個神經錯亂的人一樣,轉圈圈走著,并且一支接一支地拼命吸煙……我理解他的痛苦,我也知道他那矛盾的靈魂,在進行怎樣一種嚴酷的搏斗!也許他能戰勝自己,重新勇敢而高尚地直面人生。也許他仍然不能悔悟,繼續在原的生活軌跡上走著……但不論怎樣,我親愛的人,我還是要對你說:我答應你,我等著你,我盼望你回到我的身邊來。要知道,我雖然離你,但我一直愛著你,想念你,并且在夢中常常和你相會……回來吧!我親愛的人!我等著你……

    上一篇:十九(薛峰) 《你怎么也想不到》已閱讀完畢,繼續閱讀:我和五叔的六次相遇

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